Second Flight

Dear Journal,
With all the things happening in my life, I sometimes forget my need to think and talk about things. I suppose it's because I already know the answers to the questions, and it feels like there's nothing left that I can really listen to or say. I see what's laid out in front of me, and at a certain point, words just don't do anything. It's frightening.

For the past month, I've been visiting my grandmother every day, or at least when I can. I spend time holding her hand and calling out to her, hoping she can find comfort in my presence. It's hard to tell if she knows I'm even there. At the moment, it's almost impossible to communicate with her. Her voice is gone, her hearing is unresponsive, and the medications she is on causes her to sleep all the time.

I can understand my mother's sleepless nights lying awake as she thinks about my grandmother. I want to comfort her and tell her that things will be ok, but I don't want to lie. I know the reality in front of me, and I know my mother does too. For now, all we can do is to show my grandmother that we love her. We don't know how much time she has left. At any moment, she could go... and each passing day feels heavier and heavier.

So I'll close off here. I'm extremely glad for the support of friends in these tough days. I know I probably don't deserve them, but I'm happy for the people in my life, both online and off.

I hope my grandmother knows I love her.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.